john fitzgerald (arial_boundary) wrote in wpf,
john fitzgerald
arial_boundary
wpf

i'm new...

hey everybody, i'm a newbie...
I've started writing my own material recently and was looking for some feedback on it.
If you wanna take a look at a fresh face, take a look behind the cut, and ANY comments would be greatly appreciated (from great to brutal, be honest, I know you will)


I'moutonthescenelikelightning
polarities connecting
clashing, thrashing,
trashin' trash talkers
latchin to path walkers
turbulating suburban stagnace

like magnet's opposing poles I
repel homogenaity seeking
standing slam spewin speakers
speakin sound loud, proud
gatherin crowds of positivity to a
breaking point when
crash, thrash, connect, KABOOM!
the rooms luminescence spills its
essence across the land.

It's essential you realize our potential
energy when we energize the words with
beats, a heartbeat pulsation of
rhythmic interpretation, the
nation can't deny this new life we've
birthed into this world, we've
birthed from these words dead
White men made, dead
White men enslaved our language with their native tounge, but dead
White men don't have a hold on this set of lungs cuz this live
White boy won't make the same mistakes, no this live
White boy won't make the same mistakes, no this live
White boy won't make the same mistakes as his forefathers.

For, farther from them I grow as time ticks by
and they sit idly by as time ticks by growing only moss
they're lost in the sea of time, but
now it's my time to shine
like lightning.

A bolt I will be when the future looks back at me
the insignifigance of my existance the future will see as it looks back on me.
But my short time here won't be lived in the past
I'm a flash
livn like lightning
for you to hear here and now
livin like lightning illuminating the here and... When?
Why, where'd it go?
I just saw it, I swear...
It's brief interruption was frieghtening, but
beautifully it stormed in and out,
lived like lightning
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  • 2 comments

Your poem.

Anonymous

August 25 2004, 15:06:30 UTC 12 years ago

Horrible.
Weak, and ..
With typical whiteboy rantings, and from the birth of the first, you lost me.

See you in the Slams ..
coward